How do I discuss the topic of my deceased wife with my girlfriend?

When I was 28, my world was destroyed when my wife passed away. She died a month before our first year anniversary. It has been five years now, and I'm still healing. I started dating a year and a half ago, and I met someone who really loves me and wants the best for me. She treats me so well and I love her for that.





Earlier this afternoon, I was sitting on my deck. I looked at the sky and it reminded me of how the sky looked the day I buried my wife. I began to cry just thinking about her and what could have been if she was still alive. I never cry around my girlfriend, but she saw and started to console me. Afterwards she asked me if I will ever love her the way I loved my wife. I told her I couldn't answer her question and she got upset.





She's good to me and I want her to be happy. I will always love my wife... I still have all of her things. I guess I have found love again, but not in the same way. My girlfriend and I have discussed some things about my wife but sometimes I'd rather not..





Was I wrong to answer her question like that? How do I talk to her about my deceased wife? I don't want her upset.How do I discuss the topic of my deceased wife with my girlfriend?
No, I think you answered the question just right.





And saying ';I have found love again, just not in the same way'; is just right too.





You love your wife and always will. It will be hard for your new girlfriend to accept this, but she needs to. You love her too, but you cant be forced to compare the two. You need to tell her that you are still healing from the sudden loss of your first real love. She needs to understand that. And if she doesnt, I wouldnt waste much time with her.





I am very sorry for your loss and hope that you can find happiness in your future.How do I discuss the topic of my deceased wife with my girlfriend?
I think you did and said the right things. I think it was wrong of the girlfriend to ask if you will ever love her the way you loved your wife. We just don't love people the same way. That's life. That's the way it is. Maybe some time you could just sit down and talk to her about your wife and clear the air. Let her ask you questions. It will be hard but give it time. It sounds like you have something special again and that's wonderful. Hang onto it. And when you are ready, you can start getting rid of some of your wife's things.
Hi - oooops, you missed the perfect chance to reassure your girlfriend there, I'm afraid.





The easy and probably honest answer is that yes, you will love her as you loved your wife, but in a different way. The two loves cannot be compared because one DIED, and thus became a whiter-than-white memory, a martyr if you like.





It's a little off that you still have all of your wife's things; by now you should really be thinking of keeping precious and meaningful icons from your wife's life and your marriage, but not everything. Your girlfriend is a very very brave woman. It must be terrible, trying to compete with a beloved ghost.





You simply need now to sit down with your girlfriend, who now represents your Future, and talk and cry together about the lost Past. You will also need to do a lot of consoling of your girlfriend, as your answer to her question was clumsy and hurtful, even if you didn't mean it that way.





Just let it out with her - the pain of loss, the fears of loving again, any feelings of betrayal that you may feel towards your wife, ALL of it.





Your girlfriend, if she is the Good Woman I think she is, is going to be on-side.





Good luck.
Im sorry for your loss. You just were being honest with her, but it sounds like she is feeling compared to her. A friend of ours went through the same thing, his wife died and he just couldnt connect with the women he had started dating.We had to gently explain to him that he was lucky to have the time with her but, he made a decision to start dating again, and that meant that the women he would be seeing were not her and could not compared to her. There was only one of her, and nobody could replace her, but that he had a chance to find new happiness. Doesnt mean that you forget about her, but maybe its time to let her go, move her things to the attic, and start living again. Start a new chapter of your life. It sounds like you have a wonderful gal wanting to help you with this. Dont shut her out, let her help you. She knows she cant replace your wife, but she is wanting to be there to help you heal. Talk with her. Find the great things about her and enjoy them. Remember she isnt your wife, but she is someone unto herself. Love her, move on, and be happy again!