Forgive...and forget.Wife left and came home and now I am angry. How do I let it go?
your wife is a whore. anyone that can go out and have phone sex without remorse obviously doesnt care. she was probably cheating on you and thats why she left the first time, things didnt work out so she came back.DTB
Dump her and /never/ look back.
You screwed up when you did not file for divorce when she moved out - you could have gotten custody out of that.
You need to figure out how to get her out of the house again and then divorce her.
you have every right to feel this way, you have no real answers as to why this happened in the first place... she leaves.... does what she wants for a while... then just comes home... tells you its for the kids and you need to live up to her expectations..... now whoa... wait a minute... wheres your part in all this????? So your sitting there thinking wtf????? Must be nice for her to come and go without much to say to you other than these hurtful statements. You need some sort of reason as to why she left in the first place... and some sort of solution so you can work on your relationship so this doesnt happen again. You and her need to go see a counselor so you can get it all out in the open and come up with some solid solutions to any issues so you can really move forward and not one of you stuck in limbo wondering wtf????? She walked out for reasons and you deserve to know why and why she came back... like the truth. Until you get those answers, your going to be angry... end of story. So.. get counseling, this wont work itself out on its own or between you two, you need a professional to bring it all out in the open and help you both pick up the pieces.
good luck!
Maybe it would be best for you to go to marriage counseling. You dont want to hurt the family, even though she already did. It must be hard to try to love someone who did that to you. She may have some thing mentally wrong with her. Women go a little nuts after having babies, i should know. She should talk to some one. Maybe she just wants attention from you, maybe drama to get her life going. I dont know...
First of all, no one should be living up to anyone's standards. Marriage or any relationship should be a mutual commitment. Of course there are going to be compromises, but no one should be dominating the relationship. Lay it all out on the table. Communication is key. Try not to come off weak and desperate and stay on track with the conversation so there is a resolution. Rebuilding trust is very difficult and her doing this to you lowered your self-esteem tremendously. It is going to take time to patch things up.
you should be happy she came home and you both should put the past behind you and be a happy family again, dont ever ask her who she was with or who wanted to be with her while you were apart,i know someone who is moving away in a few weeks because his so never came home,thats his way of dealing with the pain,so be it--
well well well u have to let go of some of the anger to get u to a point where u can trust her again right now ur still very mad u gotta get past that after all u let her come back...
If she was having phone sex to pay some bills then I have to assume she is just dealing with you so you will support her, yet trying to twist it around so she can control you.
my husband cheeted on me and came back. mr. big christian. hes still dating his ex sister in law and i want a divorce. shes probably cheeting on you now.
The answer my friend is in your question:
';How do I not feel angry and like she abandoned me? I cannot bring myself to do this but I cannot let this eat away at me either. I know the simple answer is that she would not be here if she did not love me anymore but for some reason knowing that is not helping... ';
The fact is she abandoned you. And you feel really insecure as if she would do this again. And frankly every time she leaves the door, you get that gut-wrenching feeling like she might not come back.
And this is the trust issue. Unfortunately you feel like you're being used by her right now. Sure she says she loves you, and sure you think she's in love with you. But you have that nagging gut feeling she may do the same thing to you again.
';Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.'; And you're afraid she'll make a fool out of you.
The only way to put this fear to bed, and that is what it is. Fear and lack of trust, is to sit down with her and find out how happy she really is. Because if its possible she might do this again, you might as well just give her the divorce and move on.
Trust me. I know what its like to get dumped twice by the same woman. The second time destroys all trust in woman kind everywhere. So you want to keep what's left of you in tact and yes, you're right to ';sleep with one eye open'; on this one.
I suppose the most important thing to consider is what is it she can do to prove to you that she wants to stay, and that may require sacrifice. It could be her giving up on her old habits or not.
It all depends on what the two of you decide to do. Perhaps maybe both of you need to agree on what behavior you did drove her away, what can be done to bring the kids in line so they won't trash her too badly and make her want to run; and finally what she can do to make all of you feel secure.
Until you can hammer these insecurities out, you're always going to be angry because you don't want her making a fool out of you.
Good luck. I hope she stays. But being cautious is wise my friend.
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