Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How do I tell my wife she isn't trying hard enough?

When I ask my wife for things, her first response is ';No'; or something that means no. Then some time in the FAR future she will make it happen. The problem is that by the time she finally makes it happen I have given up on it, and have tried to get something else that would make me happy.





For example, when we got back together I told me wife that I needed more intimacy and foreplay. Specifically, I asked her to buy lingerie. Her first response was that she didn't have extra money for lingerie. Then I bought her lingerie, but she wouldn't wear it because she said it didn't fit. I bought more, then she said she didn't like it. She bought something one time (from the 99 cent store) and wore it once, and gave me different excuses when I asked her to wear it again. I eventually got frustrated and gave up...I didn't want to keep fighting over underwear. All this happened for over a year. Lately, I've been trying to get her to make an effort to spend more time with me. She's always complaining that she's busy doing all these different things outside of work (sewing, gardening, home improvements, etc) that she doesn't have extra time to spend together.





Last week I told her that I'm ready to just end the marriage because I'm not getting my needs met. Her defense was that she's been wearing lingerie more (as in last month she wore something once, etc).





But my point is if I didn't have to beg for a year for her to wear lingerie, then I wouldn't feel that I'm not getting enough time and attention from her. My focus is now on time and attention.





I don't understand why her first response to any of my request is no. And I don't understand why I have to wait so long to get anything. She says that she's trying to make me happy, but whatever she does isn't good enough. I try to be understanding, but when I look back at old text/emails/etc and show her that I asked her for something so long ago...I don't buy it.





My wife has asked me for things in our relationship...and she gets it...IMMEDIATELY...no questions. She told me that she doesn't like cologne. So I stopped wearing it in her presence. She doesn't like me drinking, so I don't drink at all when we are together or if I'm coming home to her. She doesn't like the smell of coffee, so I don't drink coffee in the house or in the afternoon. I give her whatever she ask of me.How do I tell my wife she isn't trying hard enough?
just tell her she is your wifeHow do I tell my wife she isn't trying hard enough?
I dated a chick for 4 years, lived with her for two. I was in love. I had the same issues you're having. She cheated on me and we broke up. Since then I've been with multiple other women, and I'm no mack. All of them were way, way cooler than my ex. As it turns out, I just fell in love with a bad person. I know you're in love, but I promise life would be better without her.
seems like she has control over you. but....





in ur last paragraph u wrote ';My wife has asked me for things in our relationship...and she gets it...IMMEDIATELY...no questions. ';





?? do u mean that u get it done immediately? lol


just talk to her!
Leave her.
Aaah, why is it that men always accommodate and are considerate towards the women that treat them like this? I will never understand...





It seems like the effort being put into making the other partner happy in this relationship, is one-sided. If this has been going on for a year and there has been very little change, it is likely there will be little change in the coming year. This could lead to resentment being built up inside of you, and in some case could lead to the unfulfilled partner trying to find fulfillment outside of the marriage.





If you want to avoid that, the best thing to probably do is to talk about it with your wife, take out some time and have a serious discussion. If she is REALLY willing to try (and not just say that she is when really she is putting in little effort), then come up with an action plan. Little things she can do, that you both can do, to make it happen. Discuss what your needs are and, if necessary, give her a timeframe within which she, if she loves you and wants to keep you, needs to fulfill those needs and/or make a change.





It is like giving somebody an ultimatum, but sometimes that is what they need to wake up and realise that they are about to lose somebody special if they don't get their act together.





Of course, you could go the other way and play games, i.e. start denying her her wishes and holding back, saying no to her etc. the way she does to you. But you have to consider whether you have the time and energy to play those games, and whether they are going against your nature.





Good luck :o)
Cry me a river. You want sympathy because you are pressuring your wife into doing something she does not feel comfortable with. How self centered can a person possibly be?
Good gawd, it's all about you isn't it. It may make her feel uncomfortable, but damn that - it's all about you: Your wants, your needs, your feelings... and her wants, her needs, her feelings BE DAMNED!
Well sounds like you have a one sided relationship, sorry to hear. How about going with her to the store to pick out the lingerie, her trying on the items in front of you may make her feel more comfortable, because then she will know you have already seen them, and not be surprised when she gets them home and get your reaction. Good Luck
Sometimes if someone asks you for something 100 times a day - all you think about is ways to get out of doing it.





I think that you shouldn't threaten her. Simply say you would like to be intimate more, So what can I do to get you in the mood. If she likes gardening , join in. Home improvement, join in, its your home too. Maybe suggest things to do together, that she likes eg day at a craft market. Make her a nice romantic tea.





Lingerie - Did you ever think she may not like it. And if you got her something that is too small she may be upset that it doesn't fit, Or on the flip side something to big, could insult her too. Lingerie is very hard to get right.





If you try and try and the relationship doesn't work out - At least you tried everything you could. She should show more interest in you and what you do - otherwise why is she with you.
You're fighting over UNDERWEAR?? Yeah, that's it - divorce her for not wearing lingerie.





.99 cent lingerie, for Christ's sake. .99 cent lingerie to make you feel hot for her. Yeah, that .99 cent lingerie will make her focus all her time and attention on you. Makes perfect sense to me...





Here's an idea: Maybe she stopped trying a long long time ago to make you happy, because no matter what she does, or says or how she acts, it will never be good enough for you. Sound familiar?
O.k. I am not trying to be mean or poke fun here but : sewing, gardening, home improvements....doesn't like to wear frilly underthings...very frugal with money...doesn't like drinking or coffee, or your cologne...my friend you are married to an Amish woman, or perhaps she would rather be playing for the other team, if you get my drift. If either is the case, then you both really deserve to be in a relationship that suits your needs. You just may need to split up, for the good of each other.


Also, looking back in old emails and texts, seems a little odd. I understand that sometimes you have to prove that you are right. Maybe that sounded more obsessive than it really is.
You may like to try out the following鈥? Women like being teased during sensual massage. Try staying away from genital areas and then massage her whole body, brush near the genitals if you like, but don't touch them yet. Just enjoy the teasing process!





Or introduce bedroom games that allow the winner to share his/her secret fantasy and the other party will have to make an extra effort to satisfy the other party craves/desires!!





Try some outdoor sex/quickie too.. At the cinema, in the park, in public toilets, while driving, in changing rooms and more. Leave her unexpected about what you have in mind, and start touching her everywhere. Is thrilling when it is unplanned for, and you can see her expression in awe!





After all, quality is more important than quantity鈥?In fact, most of us find it fulfilling with foreplay rather than the actual lovemaking itself. Foreplay can range from 15mins-2 hours and it all depends on individual woman readiness in sex and how she responds to your move. You will know once she is all ready for sex once she is begging you to give it to her!





I have compile more sex guide especially written for men and women on my website about getting in the mood / good foreplay / erection endurance / female orgasm and more.. Is totally free.. That's my little naughty gift for you tonight for better sex with your dear one!





I hope the above helps!

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